


Ameliorate

by Miint_Bluee



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Bullying, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Game(s), Pre-game stuff, Recovery, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29075649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miint_Bluee/pseuds/Miint_Bluee
Summary: Does every action we take have some sort of negative effect? Who are we to judge the people who are the most hurt, when we don't truly know what's going on in their mind."Death. Words echoed through my head, the voice sounded soft and familiar; yet the words spewed from the darkness were as sharp as a knife and had such a harsh tone behind them. In a whisper, they said, “You’re alone Kokichi, and you always will be.”
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, others probably
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

# 00||Prologue

Happiness is something that everyone wants, the euphoric feeling is something the human mind desires. But not everyone gets it, and for those people that don’t, their life ends up not being happy. They are sad. Sadness is the opposite of happiness, but it is also part of having humanity. I was once happy, anyone would see me and say that I radiated happiness. The people around me were always laughing and smiling, and I was always the center of attention. An accident so grim and terrible left me alone. It left me with an empty void in the pit of my stomach.  
Pain, that was all I felt.  
Not only physical pain but mental pain too.  
Pain like no other, but no one believed me.  
That was the worse part.  
Some people would say that I over-exaggerate things. While this was true in some parts, this pain was not me trying to do that, but no one really understood.

Slowly, I rose from a hard bed thinking it to be my own. Looking around the darkroom nothing seemed to be there other than the doorknob that was connected to an exit. As I stood up, I bumped into a table that held a candle and a torn-up lighter packet. The light the candle held was little, not none, but enough to see the layout towards the door. This feeling of numbness took over as I opened the door leading to a long and empty hallway. Nothing was in sight but was just as dark as the room. A sharp pain spread through the soles of my feet. I looked down, shining the candlelight, and glistening back there were pieces of shattered glass.  
Holding memories that seemed to be of my childhood.  
Looking ahead a door opened which piqued my curiosity as to why. I soon forgot the pain and ran towards the door, something led me to believe it was my only way to survive. Yet, took over the closer it got. Until I was face to face, the doorknob turned and the door opened, the other side was empty.  
No floor.  
No walls.  
Just emptiness.  
Suddenly, something pushed me forward and I fell in. This feeling, something like no other spread throughout my body. It was such a heavy feeling of a meaningless existence. Death. Words echoed through my head, the voice sounded soft and familiar; yet the words spewed from the darkness were as sharp as a knife and had such a harsh tone behind them. In a whisper, they said, “You’re alone Kokichi, and you always will be.”


	2. 01||Rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you remember your name?” Almost afraid of what the boy would answer.  
> He spoke quietly with a tremble, “Yes I do, it’s Oma Kokichi.”

# 01||Rooms

A soft beige light shone through a thin cracked line from the container that held a small purple-haired boy. The oval-shaped vessel slowly opened as the boy rose, immediately gripping his hands around his head. His body purple and black covered with bruises aching all over, enough to almost make him faint. The fast clacking of a nurse could be heard as she rushed into the room and quickly held the boy who attempted to walk. The small boy looked at the nurse with teary and confused eyes. This weak side was not something anyone would see. Such a fragile boy will only be broken as time passes, being corrupted by the world around him. The nurse sat the boy down on a cold metal chair before leaving. She spoke gently as to not startle the just awoken boy, but every word that fled her mouth was almost inaudible to the seated boy. The nurse left quickly, leaving the boy in an unknown empty room. 

The room seemed to spin as I tried looking around. Everything looks blurry and the lights are so bright that they’re blinding. I couldn’t hear what the lady was saying, only bits of words were understandable. My body felt like I'd been run over by a bus and somehow managed to live. This eerie feeling wouldn’t leave the pit of my stomach, almost as if I’d forgotten something important. 

A squeaking noise could be heard getting closer to the room as the nurse rushed back in. She slowly led the boy to the chair and slowly wheeled him back to another room. The halls were almost empty with the only noise being the clacking of the nurses’ heels and the squeaking of the wheelchair. She stopped and asked a question. The boy didn’t hear and just kept looking down at his feet, dazing and trying to forget about the sharp pain all around his body. The nurse lightly tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. His response was immediate, speaking quickly and apologizing. The nurse then asked again,  
“Do you remember your name?” Almost afraid of what the boy would answer.  
He spoke quietly with a tremble, “Yes I do, it’s Oma Kokichi.”  
The nurse responded instantly with glee, “Ah, that’s good. Now, I’ll take you to the main hospital and we’ll get you checked in. Is that alright with you?”  
Her voice was soothing and gentle even though it held excitement.  
“Yes, that’s fine,” He responded more quietly than last time.  
“Alright then, hold on a little longer for me, I know it hurts but we’ll get you there soon.”  
With that, the silence continued as they headed to the main hospital building.  
Whispers woke the boy as he sat in the wheelchair looking around at all the people. Each set of eyes burned holes through his head, making the once acute headache stronger.  
They stopped in front of a desk, a man staring down at the boy with anger in his eyes, but masking it with a smile. He spoke harshly.  
“His room is down the hall, number 507.”  
With that, the female nurse wheeled him away mumbling something under her breath, which was inaudible to the boy. Another stop, but this time it would be the last. In front of a door with the nameplate, ‘507, Oma Kokichi.’ The room was small, but that was obvious for a hospital room. The beige walls soothed his headache, as well as the closed curtains beside the bed. With help from the nurse, the boy was carefully placed on the hospital bed to not cause more pain than he was already in. In a gentle tone, the nurse spoke,  
“I’ll go get the doctor, you can just lay here it’s fine if you take a nap.” She paused and contemplated whether she should say more, but finally opened her mouth.  
“I know how much physical damage that game causes the body, and your death was not something someone so small can take.” With that, she opened the door and left.

With that, the boy sighed harshly and let at a low spoken word. “Fuck..” Yet such a small phrase sent shivers down his body from the pain, internally and externally. He tried to sit up, but waves of dizziness made him lay back down in the hard, yet comfortable bed. No matter how many times he tried to get up, the pain was all he got in response. This made him agitated. He snarled. “The stupid nurse hasn’t returned and my body hurts like fucking hell.”  
The moment the final word left his mouth the doctor entered the room. He cursed internally and hoped the doctor hadn’t heard him. The doctor smiled and hooked the boy up to an iv. The purple-haired boy hoped it was some sort of pain reliever. With that, the doctor spoke gently. “ Hello Mr. Oma, do you remember why you’re here?” The boy spoke with anger in his voice, “ Well of course I do.” He paused and responded with a whisper, “Because of that stupid killing game...” The doctor and nurse seemed more relieved that he remembered everything that had happened. The doctor spoke again, “Well, yes that’s right but, it seems your body took quite a lot of damage even though it was just a simulation.” The boy averted any sort of eye contact made with the doctor but still spoke with an attitude. “Simulation or not my body hurts. Can you do something about it, Sir? '' The doctors sighed and responded. “The most I can do is give you pain relievers and get enough rest.” Kokichi seemed angrier than before but stayed quiet. The room was awkwardly silent for a couple of minutes before the petite boy spoke with a mumble, almost as if he didn’t want them to hear “ ...are the others doing okay?” The doctor’s smile lit up as he spoke: “Oh yes they are all doing okay, you were the last one to wake up.” He pauses “Would you like to visit them?” Almost immediately the boy spoke, stuttering over his words, “N-no nevermind it’s fine.” With that, the nurse told him to sleep and they left the room. Leaving the boy completely alone with the thousands of thoughts roaming his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice end to chapter one, I guess not that nice. The next chapter will be more interesting just needed to introduce Oma.


	3. 02|| Defense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cold gentle breeze felt somewhat soothing, as Oma finally got to see where he was. He walked toward the railing near the end of the roof and stared at the city below.  
> Faint lights filled the city from the late-night drivers and fast-food restaurants that were open all night.  
> The parking lot seemed somewhat empty as patients came in and left, wondering what kind of life each person he saw lived, admiring how the calm night was soothing to what felt like millions of thoughts racing through his head.  
> He slowly bent forward-thinking about how the wind would feel if he were to ‘accidentally’ lean too far.

# 02||Defense

A subtle sense of relaxation sent waves down the boy’s body, finally calming down all the pain that was inflicted. The only thing the pills didn’t relax was the racing thoughts in his head, millions of memories racing back about his life before the game caused tears to slowly prickle down Oma’s face.  
Though, instead of facing these memories, he decided to sleep it off hoping that they would disappear in the morning, closing his eyes letting the remainder of the tears slip down his face, finally being able to let go.

A familiar setting was beginning to form as Oma was watching from above the railing. Two familiar figures rushed into the room the short boy was in, not even noticing him. Both of the figures had purple hair, one’s hair is lighter than the other. The taller boy stood right beside Oma not even seeing him, while the shorter boy laid in a press of some sort, no clothing on with tears in his eyes, but only Oma could see this. Every word spoken from the figures seemed like gibberish to Oma so he paid no attention and just watched the scene play out. 

Soon the press begins to come down, Oma looking away to not see the gruesome aftermath that this would cause, but once his eyes met the ones of the boy laying down, he had a realization.  
He was the one in the hydraulic press.  
Tied down by chains, unable to move begging for his life. Oma screamed and cried trying to get the taller boy’s attention to let him go, but he paid no mind only watching with a smirk across his face.  
Soon more familiar faces filled the room as the press slowly came down upon Oma’s body. They all just stood and laughed, their faces becoming deformed as they laughed harder. Oma cried and screamed not wanting to die as the metal smell of the press got closer and closer.  
Coming face to face, he felt pain shrug around his body, the press finally cruising Oma’s body.

Jolting awake, Oma looked around the familiar room, the beeping of the heart monitor finally getting him to sit up. Hot tears fell down his face as he curled into a ball, in a cold sweat caused by the nightmare he had just woken from. Finally, the tears stopped and he decided he didn’t want to be stuck inside a hospital room. Turning to see the red light from the clock lighting up his room showing the numbers 3:40 am, he sat in his bed contemplating whether he should leave.  
That thought quickly left as he sat up from his bed quietly pulling and disconnecting the wire he was connected to. He slowly turned the knob of the door and walked quietly down the empty halls passing number plates with other patients inside their rooms quietly sleeping.  
He quickly opened the door to the staircase. He thought about the elevator but it was too close to the nurse’s office and he didn’t want to get caught. Slowly walking up each step thinking about the nightmare he had, wondering why that memory had to be the first he dreamt of.

“Why the fuck would I care about those idiots?” He silently muttered as he reached the top final door labeled ‘Roof Top- Do Not Enter’. Like always he ignored it and opened the door.

The cold gentle breeze felt somewhat soothing, as Oma finally got to see where he was. He walked toward the railing near the end of the roof and stared at the city below.  
Faint lights filled the city from the late-night drivers and fast-food restaurants that were open all night.  
The parking lot seemed somewhat empty as patients came in and left, wondering what kind of life each person he saw lived, admiring how the calm night was soothing to what felt like millions of thoughts racing through his head.  
He slowly bent forward-thinking about how the wind would feel if he were to ‘accidentally’ lean too far.

This thought is quickly dismissed by the stinging pain finally coming back, due to the pain killer wearing off.  
He quickly walked to the door and began descending back to his room. Finally reaching his hall door, he opened it and tried to get back. The hall spinning around him as he tried to walk but that only caused him to stumble on his feet and trip.

Luckily a nurse was there to catch him, worried as to the boy’s sudden disappearance. Oma held onto her for support as they slowly walked down the hall making sure he wouldn’t trip again.  
Once they reached the room, the nurse opened the door and directed him to his bed. Oma pleaded not wanting to go back to sleep, scared of having another nightmare. 

“Oma please, do you know how dangerous that was?” she said with a worried expression.

“Yeah yeah, but it’s not like I would’ve died or anything,” he said back, agitated by the pain surrounding his body.

“Please promise me you won’t wander the halls alone again,” she paused and spoke again

“If you want to walk outside I can always take you.” Her tone changed, almost as if she were pleading.

“Fine, I Oma Kokichi, promise never ever to do that thing you said again.” He laughed, waving his hand in the air with absolutely no worry about the more dangerous consequences.  
With that, the nurse looked somewhat pleased with his response, even though she knew that he was lying.  
The nurse walked out of the room, peaking through the slit.

“Oma, please go to sleep, and don’t stay up, or I’ll be forced to place you in solitary.” the last few words sounding more like a threat than helpful advice.

Now lying on the hard mattress, he stared at the ceiling wondering what nightmares could occur if he closed his eyes. Yet with every passing moment, they grew heavier and heavier. Almost like a hypnotic trance, lulled to sleep by the faint beeping of the heart monitor. Wondering what tomorrow would bring.  
\---  
Sun rays gently spread across the familiar hospital room. The morning cold, yet artificial heat from the ac keeps the small room warm. Birds could be heard chirping outside the window next to the hospital cot, which held a small purple-haired boy sleeping soundly, getting what seemed to be his second hour of sleep. 

A nurse could be heard walking down the hall, the same clacking of heels that was normal in this type of setting. She opened the door with one hand, making sure not to spill the tray that held the boy’s breakfast. Once in, she noticed how peaceful he was when he wasn’t exaggerating his emotions or lying through every conversation they held.  
She gently placed the tray on the small nightstand next to the bed, then slowly reached out to softly shake the boy awake. All he did in return was roll over to the other side of the bed hoping that he could at least get another 30 minutes of sleep.

“Oma, I need you to wake up. I brought breakfast.” She tried to persuade him, but he just didn’t budge.  
With that, the nurse had one final plan. She walked to the window and opened the curtain letting the bright rays from the sun fill the room. Oma shot up in an attempt to close them and bring back the dark atmosphere, refusing to let anyone intervene with his beauty sleep.

“Hey, what was that for?” He said groggily as he’d just been rudely woken up. “I was just having the most amazing dream where all the D.I.C.E.-”  
He stopped talking in hope that he could forget the cruel reality that was bestowed upon him the day before, remembering the simulation and all the false memories implanted in his head. Not remembering who he’d been before signing up to this killing game.

“..Oh..” She paused seeing worry written all over his face, then spoke once more  
“Um, like I was saying, I brought you breakfast, hurry and eat. The doctor should be here sometime soon after checking with the other patients.” She tried to comfort him with a hug bet he flinched, not wanting to be in any situation that caused pressure, and that seemed too similar to that press, slowly squeezing the life out of him.  
\---  
In a room similar to Oma’s, another boy could be seen, slowly sitting up from his ‘peaceful’ rest. The blue-haired boy rubbed his eyes, trying his best to not seem as drowsy. Getting up and opening the curtains to the window next to his bed, looking around and recalling everything that had happened.

A knock could be heard from the door followed by a gentle voice, “Saihara-Kun, are you awake?”  
He answered still half asleep, “Yes I am, you can come in.”  
The nurse walked in with another tray holding the same breakfast as Oma’s. She placed it down on the nightstand and smiled saying good morning. They talked about the doctor coming to check on him as well and that after they had the rest of the day to meet up with the rest of the class. There, another nurse would give them a tour of the complex that they would be staying in for the remainder of the month. She explained that they were going to be monitored, as their old memories would begin to spur in the upcoming days. Not wanting anyone to get hurt and make sure they were all safe, from themselves.  
After explaining everything that was to happen she left the room saying that she needed to see the other patients.

After breakfast and talking to the doctor, Saihara decided to get dressed and see who was in the main lobby. This room was large and held two sofas, in the middle was a table. It also had a large TV, maybe for them to get along and hang out. As soon as he got there he noticed 3 figures standing and talking. All of them seemed to get along but the air held tension, which caused knots to tie in Saihara’s stomach.  
When he walked up to them he noticed it as Kiibo, Kaede, and Rantaro, standing in the middle of the room talking about wanting to visit the others who were still asleep.  
“Hey, guys… It’s been a while,” he waived nervously trying not to intervene in the conversation they were already in.  
“Omg Shuichi-kun you’re awake!” Akamatsu energetically ran up and hugged him for a long period before releasing him and apologizing. They talked for a while not wanting to bring up the fact that the game happened. Not wanting to ruin a happy moment. But they all seemed too nervous, too cautious, to hold a normal conversation. Avoiding eye contact, fidgeting with their fingers, and even pausing in between sentences to make sure that nothing had slipped while getting caught up in their words.  
“Hey, Shu- Saihara-kun, have you talked to Oma-kun yet?” The change in name caused Saihara to look at her giving full attention.  
When he heard the name Oma, all his thoughts came to a grueling stop. ‘Where has Oma been? How come he hasn’t come out of his room? Where even is his room?’ Millions of thoughts raced through his head until Akamatsu shook him, trying to get his attention.  
“Saihara-kun is everything alright?” She asked so gently and filled with concern. If she spoke like that again he would surely break down then and there, so he responded to both questions quickly.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry,” he responded stumbling over his words. “Oh, and no I haven’t heard anything on Kokichi.” Instantly regretting his final word. Were they even close enough to speak on a first-name basis?  
He spoke again wanting to fill the awkward silence he caused, “We should go visit him since the rest of the class isn’t here yet. Does anyone know his room number?” More silence caused Saihara to cringe inwardly, not wanting to speak another word.  
“I don’t know, but we could always ask one of the nurses,” Rantaro spoke out while pointing to the nurse’s office next to them.  
They all walked quietly and asked the nurse sitting up front for Oma’s room number.

‘507’ ‘Wait 507!’ Saihara thought to himself, ‘That’s right next to my room!’ He thought about what he would say once they got to his room. The walk was quiet, tension-filled the room, no one wanting to talk.

Once they reached the room, Saihara was the one chosen to knock. A high pitch ‘Come in’ came from the other side. Friendly inviting them inside.  
Now face to face with Oma who sat on the floor with a plastic cup filled with purple jello while he attempted to open a box connected to fairy lights. He had a wide grin, looking up at the group who just stared down wondering what he was doing.  
Saihara was the first to take notice of the bruises that filled the small boy’s body and how he was connected to what he assumed was an IV drip. Oma looked pale and lifeless, dark bags under his eyes, so frail and skinny, almost as if a small gust of wind could knock him over and he’d just break. But that didn’t stop him from getting up and shaking each one of their hands vigorously before going back and sitting on his bed.  
“So what brings you all to my humble living quarters?” He obviously knew the answer.

“We wanted to check on you Oma-kun, you haven’t left your room and we didn’t even get to see you yesterday.” Akamatsu tried to sound reassuring, but Oma paid no mind to her tone, only sighing in return.

“Well now you see me, and like always I look amazing.” His grin grew larger as he laughed. They sat down on the small couch in his room looking around at how much he decorated in such little time. Questioning how he managed to get his hands on all these decorations, wondering if he somehow managed to steal them without the nurses noticing.

The conversation grew more serious as Akamatsu slipped and mentioned the killing game. The air grew thick, all of them not wanting to bring it up. Yet she just kept punching wanting everyone there to consider being friends. Of course, this plan backfired.

“You know, everything that happened was fake so there’s no need to hold malice against each other.” She tried to reassure them, but this only spiraled out of control.

Oma sat just listening to them discuss everything that had happened not wanting to say a word. He could feel a lump form in his throat as he tried to tell them all to stop talking about that stupid killing game. Slowly the air that was once so easy to breathe got away, causing him to take longer deeper breaths while trying to alert the other in the room. Each huff grew louder and louder as he tried to catch his breath. He could feel his heart beat faster. His mind wandered as to all the cruel things he did to all of them, hating himself more than the one who started this conversation.  
The room seemed to collapse as he could no longer breathe. Of course, this became too obvious for the other in his room. They all stared at him, with a worried expression trying to figure out what was wrong with Oma.

Akamatsu attempted to hug Oma but that only made things worse. The pressure of a hug seemed too familiar to Oma. A pressure is similar to that of the press. The machine that killed him, or rather the in-game version of him, he roughly pushed Akamastu away, now tears rolling down his cheeks. She looked scared from his reaction.  
He managed to choke out words, “G-get the fuck away f-from me,” he growled every word filled with agitation. They were all confused, his reaction catching them off guard.

“Oma-kun I was only trying to help…” She mumbled out while Kiibo stood comforting her. He starts again forming more coherent sentences. “I don’t want your fucking help Akamatsu-chan, because of your stupid obsession with wanting to help people, Amami died.” Those words echoed through her head as she stood surprised by his reaction, she felt tears well up in her eyes and walked out the door with Kiibo following close behind.  
Amami tried to apologize for intruding, knowing that this was caused by them wanting to help, but they only seemed to make his conditions worsen, then also walking out. 

The only person left in the room was him and Saihara. Oma still crying while violently shaking, trying to catch his breath. Saihara knowing that he was having a panic attack.  
“Kokichi-kun please let me help.” He spoke trying to find some way of helping him calm down.

“Oh, and what is our wonderful protagonist Saihara-chan going to do, huh.” He said in between breaths.

“Are you going to save me like you did the rest of our class, oh wait, didn’t only 2 others manage to survive?” Oma knew that what he had said cut too close to home for Saihara. 

“Oma, I know you don’t mean this, deep down you are a good person so please calm down.” he tried to say more but his voice cracked almost crying himself.

“Well, it’s your fault for thinking that someone like me could be a good fucking person. You know deep down that you loathe me more than anything so don’t try to get all chummy with me just because we seemed to be having a normal conversation.”  
Saihara looked at him once more before speaking, “I’m sorry for troubling you, we can talk once you’ve calmed down.” His tone shifted, it had such a small tinge of anger, yet seemed somewhat comforting to the boy having a panic attack. With that Saihara left the room. 

Now alone with his thoughts, Oma laughed hysterically trying to gain some sense of emotion that wasn’t just pure rage and hatred for the group that caused this ungodly reaction from a cold person like him.  
Nurses soon walked in trying to ground him holding down his arms and legs as he attempted to kick and push any person that tried to get near him. One nurse getting ahold of the IV drip pulling out a syringe filled with see-through liquid, quickly injecting it into the IV. After a few seconds, he calmed down, settling in his bed, soon falling asleep. His body finally gave out knowing that he could rest easy, not worrying about nightmares that could attack. Just letting his body rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all the chapter posted in one night.


	4. 03||Familiar Unfamiliarity

# 03||Familiar Unfamiliarity

Both so close together yet seem so separate. Each one trying not to get attached to the other, knowing that in the end, it will fail. The cold breeze blew soft snowflakes on their faces. 

Just laughing knowing that they could easily get sick due to their bad health habits. Yet neither one of them felt cold. They can’t remember the last time they felt anything, but they both laughed holding a steady conversation. Not sure what about.

He stared into the other boy’s eyes and laughed. Something about his face being bruised again. But why? Why did he care so much about this boy? What made them so close? He wanted to know.

The conversation came to a steady decline, both not knowing what else to say, but having a strong urge to somehow get closer than they already were.   
Silence spoke a thousand words as they just watched each other. Gazing ever so often at the full moon in the sky.

He gently grazed his hand along the boy’s face. So soft to the touch, scared that if he was too rough it would somehow break. But both boys knew that they weren’t that fragile. They knew deep down about each other’s problems, but they cared so much that they swore never to hurt each other. Since only they could understand the other’s mind. 

“Do you think we can stay like this forever?” He spoke in such a soft gentle, yet broken tone. Not wanting a response, mostly just asking a rhetorical question.  
“I’d love to, but we both know we can’t, he’ll come home any second and I’ll have to leave.” The other boy responded just as tender in tone.  
“I hate Him.” He said not knowing how to fill in the silence.   
“I do too.”  
\---  
The purple-haired boy awoke once again. Looking around the room, slowly remembering what happened. He shuddered, recalling what took place earlier that morning. The words he’d spoken repeating over and over in his head. Knowing that once again, everyone will come to hate him, but this is what he is looking for.   
Oma knows that once everyone comes to hate him in this place then he’ll finally be able to leave, never coming back, knowing that there’s no one waiting for him.  
He slowly sits up in his bed and checks the clock on the bedside table.

14:45. 

The red light read. He looked at the fairy lights on the ground hoping he’ll have enough time to hang them on his wall. Trying his best to make this small hospital room more “homey.”   
Just as he was about to get off the bed and back to work taking the battery case off, the nurse walked in with a wheelchair.

She smiled gently hoping he remembered what was planned for that day. She talked about having a small tour with the rest of the patients around the facility, but he just ignored it wanting to finish decorating his room.   
The nurse tried grabbing his attention by shaking his shoulder, but he flinched in pain from the bruises that surrounded his body.

“Oma-kun, please we have to take this tour.” She pleaded, not wanting to force him   
“Fineeeee, but I’m not happy about this… So in return, you have to get me LED lights. Not the short ones, but the ones that can go all the way around this room.” He went on and listed more things he wanted to decorate his small living quarter with, the nurse just writing down all the objects.

“Oh, and what’s your name?” Oma asked.  
“I didn’t tell you? Well, it's Iyo Araki.” She said then explaining what kanji was used to spell it.   
“Alrighty, then Araki-san it is!” He said smiling, excited that he finally knew her name. Oma felt as if he owed Araki-san something. Or more that he had to repay all the kindness she’d given him, even after all the messing around and trying to anger her. He knew that she just wanted to help, but he hated that it felt more like pity. As if she was the only nurse that would take care of him. The rest stared at him in disgust and tried to stray away from him. He knew why. He knew deep down, all of them had watched this gruesome killing game and decided to hate him. Oma wasn’t mad at this reasoning, he would’ve hated that character too, so cunning and cruel. Killing the two people who held even the bare minimum of trust in you. Nevertheless, keeping that same personality just to make sure no one would get too close. Because too close meant vulnerability and being vulnerable was not something the ultimate supreme leader did.

Araki-san helped Oma settle into the wheelchair, the whole time complaining that he was fine and he could walk on his own. She gave him a chance to prove that statement, allowing him to walk to the door without any sort of assistance.   
About two steps in his knees buckled and he tumbled, the nurse catching him so he wouldn’t fall to the ground.

Now late, the nurse hooked the IV drip on the pole that the wheelchair had. She opened the door and rolled Oma down a familiar yet unfamiliar hall. He wondered if he didn’t remember because the first day he was just in severe pain so he wasn’t paying attention or because all the halls looked identical. The only difference was the number plates with names written underneath them changing.

They arrived at the lounge area. Araki-Chan opened the door so she could push Oma through. The wheelchair wasn’t as quiet as the last one he was in, making a squeaking noise that altered everyone in the room that someone had arrived.

The group turned their heads, almost in sync to see where the noise was coming from. Oma immediately got up from the chair, taking the IV out for the third time, and tried walking over to them eagerly yelling, “I know everyone here missed me— AHHH!!” Before he finished his sentence about how amazing he was, his knees gave out. Cursing his frail body as he waited for the painful impact he was about to endure.

Surprisingly enough something cushioned his fall. Or rather someone.

“Ya’know, you’re surprisingly light for a teen Oma-kun.” A muffled voice spoke up from under him.

The nurse came running with the wheelchair and helped the two boys up. Placing Oma on the wheelchair once again and sticking the IV in.  
“Oma-kun, do that one more time and I’ll forcefully have to keep you in the chair this whole tour.” The nurse spoke sternly, anger could be seen laid upon her face.  
“Sorry, sorry, I promise I won’t again.” He spoke out of breath from the small amount of walking he had done. After catching his breath he spoke one more.

“Thanks for the save Shumai, I could’ve died right there and everyone would be so sad,” Oma said wearily, looking tired. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Saihara asked concern covering his voice.  
Oma simply nodded and looked around, remembering that they were not the only ones in the room.   
The rest of them stared, some with an unpleasant look on their face while others looked worried, but all eyes were on him. The silence felt like it lasted hours before Momota spoke up.  
“Why the hell are you in a wheelchair Oma?” His loud voice echoed through the room, finally, the sets of eyes were no longer on Oma, leaving him relieved. But the question was uncalled for in Omas’ perspective. Silence lingered once more before Oma opened his mouth attempting to at least lie his way out of a conversation too personal. Before he could speak another nurse came in saving him from what could’ve been another anxiety attack.

“Alright everyone, I’ll be giving you a little tour around the facility you’ll be calling home for the next two months.” He spoke clapping when the last word left his mouth.

With that, they were all led around the facility, each person budding up with another and talking while walking, attempting to make some sort of conversation to fill the tension in the air.   
Oma didn’t want to converse though, instead, he just stared out the window horizontal to the rooms. He didn’t care about making up with Akamatsu, Kiibo, and the rest of them. Oma felt as if what occurred was entirely their fault for coming unannounced. They proceeded to just talk as if they were friends as if there was no killing game. He despised how Akamatsu spoke with such hope for everyone to get along. Oma wanted nothing but to leave and forget about everything. Problem was that he didn’t even know his true identity  
The identity he had in the killing was all fictional, he knew DICE didn’t exist. his whole life had been fabricated by some big corporation because his past self thought it would be so cool to join a game about death.  
That thought sprung more questions, his mind was running tracks wondering about who he was and what kind of family he had. That one question stopped all the others.

“What kind of family did I have?” 

Oma closed his eyes and tried to imagine what his parents were like, but he couldn’t picture anything. He felt waves of panic crash down the more he tried to think, no matter how hard he dug into his memories not a single trace of a family appeared. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t remember anything. Not his past life, not his friends, not his school. Everything was pitch black.

This familiar darkness swallowed him once again. So painful yet so comforting.

“Why does this feel so damn comforting, I know it shouldn’t.” 

Fully engulfed in his thought, Oma didn’t notice someone gently tap his shoulder.  
“Oma-kun, hey Oma-kun.” Someone shook him gently while whispering to him.  
He finally opened his eyes and saw Saihara staring directly at his eyes.

Surprised, Oma flinched and quickly shook his head trying not to seem startled.

“Uhm, what are you staring at Saihara-kun, is something on my face, or am I that irresistible?” Now blushing, Saihara backed away and spoke, lost in words from the small boy’s actions.

‘Sorry, it’s just your nurse left saying that she had to take care of something and asked me to take you back to your room.” He paused making sure Oma was taking in what he was saying.  
“Wow is that boring tour finally over?” He spoke wanting to release the nervousness he could feel off of Saihara.  
“Yeah it is, wait were you even paying attention?” He knew the answer but wanted to keep the conversation flowing to try not to lose him again, but why did he care so much? He decided not to bother asking questions and looked back at Oma.  
“Nah, got bored when he started talking and decided to sleep,” Oma replied with little to no care about the conversation.  
A silent ‘oh’ escaped Saihara’s mouth as he no longer had anything to add. He was reluctant to speak so Saihara instead decided to walk behind the wheelchair and grab ahold of the handle grips.  
“So where's your room?” Despite Saihara knowing, he still asked the question to get more words out of Oma.  
“Hm, I don’t remember.” He spoke confidently, questioning if he could instead go on a stroll by himself around the place. Maybe even get lost for fun. But his wonderful plans were ruined.  
“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure it’s besides mine.” Oma frowned not wanting to feel locked in a room again after not wanting to leave in the first place.

Saihara wheeled Oma silently down the halls, slightly scared to start conversing, remembering the events from earlier that morning.   
The silence was broken by humming. The tune was unfamiliar yet felt melancholic, not wanting him to stop, he just kept walking, a little slower to keep this moment in his memory.

Everything finally felt normal, well as normal as their situation could feel, Saihara felt all the tension leave his body. Having to be around everyone was stressful, they tried to act fine, but the bags under their eyes told a different story.  
Most of them didn’t like Oma because of his constant lies and eccentric character, but at this moment all of them somewhat resemble him. They were all lying, not only to the others but to themselves as well, not wanting to face the truth that is, most of them were once dead. 

That death felt so real, the air slowly leaving their lungs, their hearts stopping the immense agony they all felt. This left Saihara feeling somewhat guilty, guilty that he didn’t have to experience that pain. He wondered how the others felt about it.  
It was obvious that they suffered a mass amount of trauma. Iruma would often touch her neck and you could hear her take deep breaths, Akamatasu would do something similar.   
Now Oma was a different story, he was in a wheelchair, anytime he attempted to walk it would end in him falling for tripping over his feet, he was very light for his age and was a sickly pale color. And from what Saihara overhead, he was on pain meds because the virtual simulation had malfunctioned and affected him physically. 

Finally reaching the room Saihara opened the door, a bright red light from the clock lit up the room. The time read 21:30, as he tried to help Oma onto his bed. Of course, he had different plans for the late afternoon.  
“Don’t worry Saihara-chan I have something planned, right around this time so you are now excused.” Oma waved his hand, wanting him to leave the room so he could as well leave.  
“I’m not letting you leave this room Oma-kun,” Saihara spoke with affirmation, which was somewhat surprising to him. He’s never been direct with his words in the short time they’ve known each other. Most of the time he's the opposite, someone who avoided confrontation at all cost.  
“Well, then you’re going to watch me leave.” Oma got up unhooked the IV and unsteadily walked towards the door, grabbing the wall to hold him up.

As he got close to the door Saihara spoke once more, “Fine, then at least let me come with you, to make sure you don’t fall like earlier.” Oma contemplated the gesture, more so he knew that Saihara would just call the nurse and ruin his evening plans so he nodded in affirmation.  
With a sigh he spoke, “Okay, but you have to beat me in a game of rock paper scissors.”  
They played three games, Saihara won two out of the three. Of course, Oma purposely lost. He didn't want to be alone but didn’t want to accept such a kind offer. He felt somewhat unworthy of the detective’s help.  
“No wheelchair, I hate being restrained, plus it’s not going to be easy going to my secret hideout with that thing.” Saihara signed and agreed as they walked outside the room.  
\---  
Familiarity. Something Oma strived to find in such an unfamiliar place. Finally, a familiar hallway, a familiar staircase, and most of all a familiar door sign that still read ‘Rooftop- Do Not Enter.’  
“Oma-kun, are you sure we should be up here?” Saihara spoke with concern, most likely not wanting to get in trouble.  
“Don’t worry it’s not like they’re gonna find us up here anyway,” he spoke nonchalantly, opening the door and walking outside.

A cold gust of wind gently pushed their hair, tickling their noses. Saihara seemed obviously nervous about getting caught. Oma could sense this and decided to take him to the railway. Grabbing a hold of his hand and proceeding to run towards the rail, Saihara followed not knowing what he was going to do. This scene felt familiar, nostalgia hit Oma. What he’s been searching for, the safety of familiarity, he was finally experiencing it. The light of the cars passing by, the honking of the drivers who had awful road rage, it was somewhat funny to him. He enjoyed watching people living because he knew that he could never. That everyone in his life, that he knew of, hated him. Even his beloved Saihara. There was always a slight discomfort that he felt around Saihara. He was always tense, shoulders scrunched up, breathing shallow like he didn’t want to breathe the same air as him. This slightly angered him, Saihara acted like such a protagonist, a good guy, just like Akamatsu. He hated this because if there’s a protagonist then there has to be an antagonist, and the only person up for that job was him.  
Soft snowflakes touched his face, snapping him out of his angsty mindset once again.  
“It’s snowing.” The words lingered in the air, Oma looked up at Saihara who was looking up at the stars in the sky. Oma was sitting on the cold hard floor, ignoring the pain that was returning.  
“I never thought I’d get to see the night sky again,” he paused taking another moment to admire the stars that were halfly-lighting up the sky, the moon lighting up the rest.  
“It’s beautiful,” Saihara smiled, not a fake smile to fool the rest that he was doing just as good as them, but a real genuine smile. One that lights up his whole face. Oma admired this view wondering why it felt so dear to him.  
He spoke without thinking, “I never thought about it. I had prettier things to look at.” This came out as a whisper, instantly regretting what he said hoping that Saihara was too busy admiring the view.   
“Did you say something Kokichi?” Saihara was the one who spoke without thinking this round. His eyes widened in the realization of what he had just said, instantly apologizing   
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He stammered hoping that Oma didn’t notice luck for him, he did.  
“Oh, did my dear Saihara-chan say my first name? How chummy are we?” Oma played it off not wanting Saihara to get too embarrassed. But he liked first name bases more than the last name, he felt that after all that killing, they should at least be close enough to call each other by their first names. Of course, Saihara seemed too formal for that. More than that Oma felt it might be a bit too intimate, they were close, but not like that, more like bound by trauma. Trauma that would haunt them for who knows how long.

Saihara, on the other hand, wanted this intimacy, of course not only with Oma but with the rest of their so-called ‘class’. He felt it would help all of them heal, that maybe together things would be better, but he knew that most of them couldn’t even be in the same room together. They tried so hard to be friendly to each other, mostly Akamatsu. She was taking everything on herself, trying to get them to talk it out. Some thoughts from an earlier conversation popped up into Saiharas’s head.  
\--  
“Maybe throwing a small party will help them make up?” Akamatsu spoke, almost hesitant, knowing that this idea might end up making things worse. Everyone was in such a delicate state, like a flower that hasn’t been watered, now wilting, and a gentle breeze could tear all of its petals off.  
“I don’t know Akamatsu-san. Maybe give them a little more time.” She looked at Saihara, her eyes basically pleading for him to agree. She knew that he couldn’t ‘do’ eye contact, yet she started so deep he had no choice but to agree.  
He sighed “Alright, but don’t push them too much.” With that, they went separate ways, and around that time Oma’s nurse asked him for a favor, to which he agreed.   
‘Maybe I can apologize for earlier,’ he thought.  
\---  
Noises from the cars began to die down as night had finally come. A layer of sleet covered the hospital roof, Oma traced his fingers along the sleet in an attempt to lessen the now acute pain, slowly finding its way back to every inch of his body. But he stayed not caring, wanting the cold to numb the thoughts running laps in his head.

“I’m sorry.”

The stiff silence was finally broken by a murmured apology. Saihara looked down and faced Oma, he was tense and seemed somewhat scared to repeat his words, hoping that Oma had heard him the first time.

“Don’t worry about it.” 

Oma stared at the ground, not wanting to face him. More than anything, he feared the truth and the unknown. Things that he couldn’t control and things he couldn’t understand. This conversation was exactly that, he wanted to get away, it was too much. The tranquility wasn’t what he was used to anymore, the harsh air of the killing game was what he knew. Peace was too much, too painful to come to the terms that he was indeed alive. Not crushed under two gigantic metal pieces, not gasping for help in his last breath, not panicking for someone to stop him, not holding his tired hand to try to stop it from crushing him; then giving up, the poison taking his final ounce of strength away before completely crushing him.

“I shouldn’t ha-” before Saihara could end his sentence, Oma interrupted.  
“I’m in severe pain, can we go back now?” He spoke so calmly, but Saihara knew he was being truthful, his voice was calm, but his facial expression couldn’t lie.

“Okay.”   
The end to an awkward conversation. Walking back down, quiet the whole way, both too scared to say anything, not wanting to ruin that moment, if it could even be called a moment. 

Walking down the same hall, now the lights from the rooms turned off. The halls, lit by dim flickering lights. Oma leaned on Saihara who was helping him walk, wrapping his arm around the other side, trying his hardest not to wince from the pain.

“Vending machine.” 

Oma stared at the vending machine in the hall, filled with a variety of sodas and other beverages.  
“Do you want a drink?” The taller boy questioned before Oma tore from his side making his once warm side chill.  
“They have Panta!” He smiled pressing the button to get his favorite drink waiting a few seconds before it hit the bottom of the machine, preceding to bend down and grab the drink.  
Saihara laughed, finally feeling genuine happiness, Oma tumbled over and started laughing as well, both trying their hardest not to laugh too loud and wake up everyone else. The tense atmosphere disappeared, lessening the weight on their shoulders. Saihara pulled Oma up and walked the rest of the way, making small talk.  
“So how’s the weather up there?” Oma snickered wanting to keep this calm environment, slowly losing fear.  
“Ya’know, it's not all that bad, kinda windy.” Saihara played along, keeping the small talk going, not worrying about how awkward it was.  
\---  
Finally arriving at Oma’s room, Saihara opened the door seeing the same flashing red light which now read 22:50. He helped the smaller boy onto the bed, grabbing the sugar-filled drink and putting it into the small fridge in one of the corners of the room. Oma watched sadly knowing that the detective wouldn’t allow him to drink it.  
Saihara walked to the door before speaking,

“See you tomorrow.” 

He looked back with a small smile on his face. Before walking out the door Oma spoke as well,

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” 

With that Saihara walked to his room, not being that far from the purple-haired boy. He walked in and changed clothes from the box that was provided, then proceeded to lie in his bed and think about what just happened.  
‘Was that actually Oma-kun?’ He thought about the way he acted, so calm and like a person, not being overdramatic or teasing him. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, knowing what awaited him, not a peaceful escape, but a nightmare that would keep him awake the entire night. He sighed, “Day two of not sleeping.”

Oma did the same, pressing a button that called the nurse over, waiting for her to shove a needle back in his arm. The nurse trying to start small talk asked him where he was, too tired from all the walking he just shrugged and responded, “somewhere with someone.” She smiled and left telling him to get sleep for recovery.  
“How the hell am I supposed to sleep when all I get are nightmares?” he spoke to himself agitated. Closing his eyes, trying to remember the peace he felt with Saihara, fatigue catching up to him, leading him to another world surrounded by pain, the pain he knew all too well. His past, so familiar yet so unfamiliar, but the torment was all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, schools been keeping me busy. I'm glad you're all enjoying the story.


	5. 04||Instability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It doesn’t matter what I say, it won’t change the way they see me,” her words were empty. She felt empty. Tired. Done with this world. Wishing that this was just another simulation and that soon enough she would wake up to reality and that reality would be much more pleasant than this one. She would no longer be alone. The nightmares would leave and would allow for her to finally gather a couple more hours of rest. Even such a simple task had become too difficult, just like taking a shower or even eating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chapter I've been busy with school. I didn't really like this chapter so I'm sorry if it's bad. Anyways I'll try to upload at least once a week.

# 04||Instability

A bright red light slightly lights up a dark room where a boy with blue hair laid. He was covered in a cold sweat and was trembling, with a jolt he sat up, he seemed to be awake but was sadly still locked in a nightmare. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he looked around the room, his vision was distorted as the nightmare hallucinations took over. Seeming so real to the point where he could no longer stand being contained in the small room. Everywhere he looked, deformed eyes would stare back. These eyes trailed along the walls and appeared to leak an eerie pink liquid.  
Unable to bear this any longer, the tall boy hopped off the bed and found his way to the door, all the way not knowing why the eyes wouldn’t stop staring at him. He muttered inaudible words, finally reaching the door and rushing out. Unfortunately, this nightmare was far from over. The halls were covered in the same warped and twisted eyes, they followed his every move and would not blink. Each set seemed vaguely familiar, one set purple, another pink, the list went on, but each stared so intensely. They looked angry, more disappointed than anything. Disappointed in him, Saihara knowing deep down that he could’ve done something to save them, yet only three survived. Only three made it out alive, or so he thought. Being reunited with them was too much, now he could visually see how disappointed they were. If they were actually dead would the burden be easier to carry?  
Not long after a nurse came rushing to his aid, yet he was too lost in this living nightmare to notice. She tried getting close but he backed away.  
“Stop looking at me!” He yelled trying to shake her off in order to get away.  
Each set of eyes only growing larger and taking more space. The normal hall, now dark and covered in eyes. Unable to escape he opened the door to the room next to his.  
The room held a sleeping boy with purple hair, also caught up in his own nightmares to notice the ruckus going on outside. He was awoken when he heard a loud bang. This belonged to the door Saihara opened, with tough enough force to make a dent in the wall. Oma got up quickly and grabbed Saiharas’ arms in an attempt to hold him down, trying to calm him. He slowly guided the taller boy to the bed and sat him down. Grabbing his hands, trying his best to comfort him.  
“Saihara, can you look at me?” Oma spoke gently not wanting to spook him. The blue-haired boy did not respond, just whimpered wanting to escape the night terror he was trapped in. Oma spoke again this time holding his face and gently stroking it. “Please look at me,” he paused and took a long breath before he resumed his sentence.  
“You’re safe now.”  
Saihara closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reopening them. Each set of eyes slowly fading away just leaving the ones on Oma’s face. The taller boy laid his head on the shorter’s neck, finally being able to regain a sense of notion about what had just occurred.  
He cried as Oma rubbed circles along his back, trying his hardest to soothe him.  
“I-I’m sorry,” His words being muffled by the cloth, taking a large breath in an attempt to speak again.

“For c-crashing into your room.” 

He stammered, still unable to form coherent sentences. “Shh, it’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Oma replied not knowing what else to say. He knew about how bad night terrors were. In fact, anytime he chooses to take a nap or even close his eyes for a second he would be surrounded by the bodies of his classmates, all rotting with flies surrounding them. He knew what it was like, they all shared this common fear of sleep because sleep meant facing the past and none of them wanted that. The nurse finally arrived after trying to comprehend what had occurred.

“He can stay the night in here,” Oma stated, not wanting him to leave, finding comfort in being able to somewhat help others.  
“That’s okay, just press the button if something happens,” The nurse smiled and closed the door.  
Oma was relieved that she allowed him to stay in his room for the night.

“Thank you,”

Saihara spoke looking at him. His eyes were red and looked defeated. Maybe because he knew that without someone else's help, Saihara couldn’t accomplish anything. Fears control people, and this fear of always being a disappointment to others held him on a leash.

“Let’s go to sleep.” With that, they both got under the covers, Saihara being nervous about sleeping with another person.

“Can I hug you?”

Saihara spoke, hoping that Oma was already asleep, but part of him wished that he wasn’t.

“Sure.”  
\---  
A soft light could be seen coming from the partly-open curtain that leads to a dark room. On a small twin-size bed, two boys laid, finally getting a decent night’s rest, after the events that happened not that long ago.  
The smaller boy slowly opened his eyes, wondering why his bed felt slightly smaller than normal. Being five foot one came with some advantages, one being that the small bed was a perfect size for him. Of course, the taller patients had to deal with this small uncomfortable bed. He tried sitting up, but something prevented him from moving, or more like someone. He gently flipped to his side to face the person lying next to him.

“AHHH!” Oma yelled, causing the boy lying next to him to fall off the bed. A loud thud could be heard from the impact. He slowly looked down to see Saihara rubbing his back then proceeding to face Oma.

“W-why am I in your room?!” Saihara questioned as he got up and walked away from the bed. The confusion was written all over both of their faces as they stared at each other trying to remember what happened the night before.

“I had a nightmare and ended up in your room...” He paused hoping Oma would remember something about what happened.  
“Oh yeah and you- I…” Oma was embarrassed, this being a new emotion. He decided to play it off, “You decided to sleep with me because you’re a biiiiiig baby.” He spoke calmly while putting his arms behind his head. Now sitting on his bead, letting his feet sway back and forth while facing Saihara.

“That’s not true, you let me st-” Before Saihara could finish his sentence, Oma quickly interrupted. “Who cares about the minor details,” he said getting up and leading Saihara towards the door, then proceeding to open it and push him out.  
“Now don’t you have some party with Akamatsu today?” Saihara now completely outside of the shorter boys’ room. “Yeah I do, are you coming?” He spoke not sure about why Oma was being so nervous.

“Nope, people aren’t really my favorite,” he said, still keeping the conversation going. Saihara looked intently at Oma wondering if there could be some way to persuade him to go. “It could be fun, you know, talking with the others.” He didn’t want to upset Oma. He knew that being with the rest of them put him on edge, he’d always do or say the wrong thing causing the other to fondly dislike him. The only ones who could put up with Oma were him and Akamatsu, and even then sometimes they couldn’t deal with his constant lies. 

“They don’t enjoy my company as they do yours.” He spoke with no emotions behind his voice, his small smile now completely disappeared. He wanted nothing to do with the other, they look at him with hate, or at least that’s how Oma sees it. It was painful knowing that your presence made everyone uncomfortable or that they were talking oh so quietly about you to the person beside them, while they slowly eyed you and laughed quietly. This was too much for him to handle. They’ve been in the facility for around one whole week and he hasn’t talked to the others the entire time. He would just go to the kitchen and grab food, then eat in his room while the bright LED lights flashed in the back listening to hyper-pop so he could calm down all the noise in his head.

Both of them stood at the door silently looking at each other. Neither of them wanted to speak, to disrupt the tension in-between them would only cause another fight. Most likely not as bad, but enough to leave both of them hurt. Saihara knew how the others felt about Oma, there was no hate towards him, just annoyance. Other than Harukawas’ glares when he entered the room, the others wanted to at least insight a conversation, but he would leave as soon as he got there. Causing the rest of them to just awkwardly stare at one another, waiting for someone to speak up, or even attempt to stop him. 

“I’ll get going then,” Saihara looked down, avoiding any more eye contact than was necessary.

“Bye.”  
\---  
Since the morning’s incidents, Saihara decided to leave him alone. Gather his thoughts and help Akamatsu with the party they were gonna throw tomorrow night. 

She’d decided on throwing this party from the moment they had first gathered together. Akamatsu had talked to each of them individually asking an array of questions just so she could understand them more. It came off as a bit pushy at first, but they all knew she meant well in the end.  
Thanks to Saiharas’ advice she decided to instead wait for them to get acquainted with their new environment and also the crushing reality that they were still alive. They all knew that it was a virtual game, but that didn’t change how they felt about one- another. No one spoke to Shirogane, each doing their best to avoid her even though she was as much of a victim as they were. 

Multiple times she’d tried to gather in the commons room with them, but the dirty looks she would get sent her running back to her room which started to feel more and more like a prison. She wanted to apologize more than anything, but no one took time out of their day to listen, more like they didn’t want an apology. She was an outsider. The doctors had told her that she also signed up for this game and was excited when she got the mastermind role.  
These memories were all erased though, only leaving space for self-loathing. She didn’t want to be alone, she didn’t mean to, she wanted help, to escape.

“Shirogane-san, are you asleep?” A soft voice echoed in her darkroom. All the lights were turned off only leaving the light from the half-opened curtain.

“Come in,” her voice was hoarse from crying. Everyone hated her, she wanted to end it so badly, but they were constantly being monitored by the nurses. Anything too dangerous was removed, this was for their safety of course.

Silky blonde hair was the first thing she saw, along with a pink skirt that swayed as she moved closer. “Do you mind if I turn the lights on?” Such a gentle voice, someone that didn’t hate her? Or someone that wanted something out of her?  
She nodded her head, closing her eyes blinded from the bright lights. The girl moved closer, sitting down in the chair next to the bed, moving slowly knowing that Shirogane was in a bad state.

“I’m throwing a party tonight,” she began, hoping that Shirogane would look-up. “And I was wondering if you would like to join?” Akamatsu continued going on about wanting everyone to be there so they could reconcile and possibly get along better. That this could be a form of healing, and if she were there then they could understand her side of the story.  
Shirogane, finally looking up, her face was pale, eyes were red, and had purple bags under her eyes. She hasn’t slept in days as well. 

“They all hate me,” she started, trying arduously not to cry. Such kindness from the person she killed. The life she ended and could have prevented. Why was she being so kind?  
“If you come with me, then we could explain.” Akamatsu stopped, trying to put in words the way she felt. “I’m not mad, so please let me help you.” 

Why was she being so damn kind? And why can’t I say anything? I killed her, she should hate me just like everyone else.

Silence took over. Shirogane uncurled herself and sat on the side of the bed, looking down at the ground. Not wanting to make eye contact with such a nice person. Feeling too undeserving of these words. More than anything warning to run away from this exchange.

“It doesn’t matter what I say, it won’t change the way they see me,” her words were empty. She felt empty. Tired. Done with this world. Wishing that this was just another simulation and that soon enough she would wake up to reality and that reality would be much more pleasant than this one. She would no longer be alone. The nightmares would leave and would allow for her to finally gather a couple more hours of rest. Even such a simple task had become too difficult, just like taking a shower or even eating.

She didn’t care. Not enough to at least attempt to get better, no one in the facility cared enough for her recovery. Not even the two mighty protagonists. This party invitation could just be some ploy to corner her and insult her more than they’ve already done. But to some extent, she thought it was deserving. This grave was one that she dug and knew that her past self would’ve loved the role, but the pain that came with it was too much.  
“I’ll go and if that’s it, can you leave so I can get ready?” Akamatsu’s face lit up knowing that this was gonna be her chance to get the rest to understand her side of the story. 

With that Akamatsu said her goodbyes and walked out the door. She was glad, wondering if this party would dial down the tension in between them. Now the next person to persuade was going to be a tad more difficult.  
The day before she had a conversation with Saihara, telling him how amazing this party was gonna be for them, but she knew that two people wouldn’t show up and she needed all of them to make this work. So she asked him to persuade Oma into joining.  
Bad news was that he denied, but she wasn’t going to give up that easily, not yet. So she devised a plan, well it was more of an offer than anything, but it was a good offer so she knew it would work. And if it didn’t then she would forcibly drag him.

Arriving at the commons room she saw Saihara laying on the couch, an arm over his eyes. Was he asleep? Or just thinking? She got closer and gently shook him. He flinched and slowly sat up, yawning while rubbing his eyes. That was enough to answer her first question, the second was why was he sleeping on the couch?

“Is everything alright?” She spoke softly not wanting to be so loud. “Yeah, just a bit tired is all.” He responded, still a bit drowsy from the lack of sleep. Akamatsu knew that they all had a hard time sleeping. Even she struggled. The trauma would always find its way into her beautiful dreams. Tainting them with memories of the trial and her death.  
Their exchange was casual. They kept everything simple, Saihara telling her that the plan for Oma won’t end up working. Akamatsu on the other hand was sure that it was. They laughed about her ambition. Spoke seriously about what could go wrong. The thought of canceling was so tempting for Saihara. He was most scared of how unstable they seemed to be.  
Not wanting to push as much as her, but she told him that everything was going to be fine. To trust more, to believe that they can recover from this. 

But more than anything, she wanted to forget everything that had happened. By making them all get together and ‘heal’. There was a chance to forgive and forget. Though not everyone thought like this, one, in particular, being Harukawa. She didn’t like the idea of inviting Oma and Shirogane. In this story, they were the antagonist and she was one of the protagonists. It was painful to her that they were willing to be so accepting of them. The very people who caused the most pain. This, forgive and forget idea was no option for her. Taking away the people she loved, even if it was fiction, deserved no forgiveness.

They drew back to the topic of persuading Oma. Akamatsu said her goodbyes, as she walked out of the commons room Saihara spoke.  
“Don’t push him like you do the other.” He was obviously concerned, she waved it off and told him not to worry, that everything was going to be just fine.  
\---  
Bright flashing lights could be seen from the gap under the door. Music at full volume as he waltzed around the room piecing together the small number of fragments from his past memories. None of them seemed right, they didn’t feel like him. The same person kept showing up, but as soon as he got one step closer to finding out who it was, it would simply vanish. All his hard work just dispersed. So instead of fretting about the past, he drew all the DICE members and taped them to his wall. The bland hospital room colours were too incarcerating; they needed more personality, so that’s what he’s been doing. Hanging up lights, building a small desk, and using pain to draw all over it.  
At first, he wanted to use the paint all over his walls, but the nurse prohibited him and instead brought him a desk. Unbuilt so he could waste his time, rebuilding it just to tear it down because he did it wrong. This went on until he finally let go of his pride and looked at the instruction.

Knocking could be heard, but he chose to ignore it. He finally felt normal, of course, this only lasted till nightfall, because once he fell asleep the daunting memories came back, as well as new ones from his past.  
This noise grew louder and louder until it completely disrupted his environment, so he got up and aggressively opened the door. Plastering a fake smile on his face so he could kindly tell them to leave him alone. But this wouldn’t work on this visitor. No, Akamatsu never knew when to give up and instead of asking to come in she just walked right in knowing that if she had asked, the door would’ve been slammed in her face.

“So you’ve heard about the party tonight.” She started, sitting down on the bed carefully to avoid the mess sprung around the room. The music was loud and the lights gave her a headache. This wasn’t going to stop her though. “And I was wondering if you’d wanna come?” Oma walked toward the speaker and turned down the volume as well as setting the lights to a light shade of purple. Of course, he refused. Said something about being busy. A different story than what he had told Saihara earlier that day. Just another lie. Except it wasn’t as good. Yes, he had plans for later that evening, but you can’t make a good lie if you can’t believe it and he didn’t. This place was confinement. No leaving without permission. No going to the roof. No fun. Well, that wasn’t completely true, it just felt that way. When all you can do is sit in your room and think, it usually never ends well. Another panic attack, more thoughts about hurting yourself, and even wanting to end your life. 

Oma hoped that the newly built silence would make her leave, but she was resilient and sat there. Admiring the decoration he had hung up and all the drawings that he’d made in the short while of living there.  
With a sigh, she spoke once more “We can make a deal.” Oma sat on the floor and looked up at her curiously. Thinking over the possible deals to make in this enclosed facility.

“Okay, I’ll listen.” Now that Akamatsu piqued his curiosity she would have to come up with something on the spot. She had some ideas, but they didn’t seem persuasive enough. The subtle sound of the still playing music made this seem slightly less awkward.

“Alright, I’ll get you anything you want.” He looked slightly disappointed. As The Ultimate Supreme Leader, Oma Kokichi was the master of deals, but all their ultimates were fabricated so was he really. He sat there and thought about the many things he would want.  
To leave this place. For his memories back. For the killing game to never exist. To go back into the past and stop his past self from entering the killing game. He knew this was impossible for Akamatsu to do, but he really didn’t want to attend a party filled with people who hated him. The reality was that he knew if they apologized and let themselves talk about the reason for their actions then most of them would forgive each other. People like Gokuhara, Yonaga, and Akamatsu would forgive his actions and say that he had a reason just like the rest.

But he didn’t kill anyone, directly of course. He didn’t want some petty apology that had no real sentiment behind it and was just to please the others that were staring. That’s what this party was for, to please everyone, not to actually make up. How could they, it’s only been a week since they’ve woken up. The amount of trauma experienced can’t be fixed by a stupid party. More than anything Oma didn’t believe that he deserved an apology, he knew that Iruma would try to and that it would be genuine. She was truly sorry for attempting to kill him and he noticed this by the tiny action she would make when he was around.  
They bumped into each other on the way to the kitchen, Iruma tried to speak to him, but Oma walked out as soon as he saw her. She just paused and sighed, getting a drink and walking back to her room. 

So back to the question at hand, what did Oma Kokichi want? Easy.

“I want a hammock.” The past week he had been begging the nurses to let him install a hammock. This had been turned down each time, something along the line of, “We already got you enough, be satisfied with the things you have in your room.” He of course wasn’t satisfied.  
Akamatsu’s eyes widened, wondering how in the world she was gonna get a hammock. Of course, her room was also decorated, but she hadn’t asked for much so she sighed and agreed to this deal.  
“Fine, but I’ll give it to you after the party.” He stood up and reached out for a wave from Akamatsu, of course, he wasn’t that satisfied, but at least he would get something from this mistake of an event.  
With that she left the boy alone, free from interruptions for the rest of the day. To be spent on productive activities, like overthinking, self loathe, breakdowns, and a whole lot of depersonalization.  
\---  
Sitting on the floor lights off, curtains closed, Saihara wondered whether this really was a good idea. Would gathering a group of 16 students, more than half once dead, helpful. Even he thought that Akamatsu was being too pushy and he really liked that she was able to bounce back as quickly as she had. Most had spent the past week isolated, they shared encounters, but they were extremely awkward.  
Momota of course had also returned to his cheerful way. It was relieving seeing him and Harukawa walk around making small talk, the conversation mostly revolved around him and what he was gonna do once they got out, she just went along with it and nodded, hiding a smile knowing that she enjoyed the company.  
Iruma did her best to stay away from Gokuhara and Oma. She felt guilty because Oma had seen completely through her.  
Chabashira, Yonaga, and Yumeno were always seen together in the commons area. Yumeno going on about her mage powers, the other two just watched. Obviously happy to see her again.  
As for the rest, they stayed in their room. Only coming out to get food and water, the basics.

One thing they did share was how unstable they were. They would never directly talk about it to each other, but it was written all over their faces. Bags under eyes, pale face, shaky hands, and a shaky voice.  
The doctor told them about the therapy they would have to attend to make sure they were stable. This wasn’t that bad, all the nurses were nice and the doctors were as well, anything they needed was given to them, of course, there was a limit, but that was better than nothing.  
They were also told that their pregame memories would slowly fade back and they would have to settle between who they were and who they are now. 

Saihara stood up and opened the curtain and let the orange-pink light fade in from the now setting sun. He walked to the closet and grabbed a pair of sleeping clothes. The day wasn’t too bad, but everything just felt exhausting. It didn’t matter if he slept all day or laid in bed, the never-ending headache didn’t allow for a moment of relaxation. He looked at the clock and it read 19:30, it wasn’t that late, but he wanted to sleep. Just letting the anxiety of tomorrow’s party lull him to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first Danganronpa fanfic. I hope you enjoy the chapters to come. I have no idea how long it gonna be but for now, enjoy.


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